Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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