I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
