i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
