i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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