I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
