While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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