I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
