maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
