Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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