just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
