it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Who died my cat blue again?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
