Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize