it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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