you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
