You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize