I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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