can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
