i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
