Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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