if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
