We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
