He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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