his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
