who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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