I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
