I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
