Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
