how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
