I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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