Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
