I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
