I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
