i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
