I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize