The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
