found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
