I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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