Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize