My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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