Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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