my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
