oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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