Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
