Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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