I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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