Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I could make wine with my vomit
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
