He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
