I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you will always have a special place in my vag
Actions speak louder than pants.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
