I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
