There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
