someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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