just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
