actually, I'm a sock model
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
