I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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