Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
