Say something about gay babies.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
