My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
