You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
