i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My boob is missing a layer of skin
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
