real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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