im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
