My cat gives me a boner
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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