i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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