It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
