I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
someone owes me an orgasm
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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