Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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