I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
