I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
