is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize