Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize