I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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