there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
