Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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