I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
